sometimes I need a reminder...
Friday, March 25, 2011
on stoicism.
Many people are in the hospital for weeks if their apendix is burst for 2-3 days. Mine had been ruptured for 3 weeks and I was only in the hospital for 6 days. It still boggles my mind that their was not more damage done to my body considering the fact that their was poison spewing into my abdomen for that long. The only reason for this is the grace of God and his hand of protection over me. One fact I try not to think about is that I could have died, but I down-play everything so I try not to make a big deal out of it (unless I'm trying to get someone to go to the Beiber movie with me-which still hasn't worked).
As I'm continuing to process this whole chain of events there are a few things that stuck out to me...
First, I noticed the words that were used to describe me. Mild-mannered. Stoic. Trooper. Tough. Unbelievably high pain tolerance. Wow. (speechless). None of the doctors or nurses could believe that I had been so sick for so long without having gone to a doctor.
From all this, I realized how prideful I am and how little I am willing to ask for help. I always think, "It's not that bad" or "I can take care of it on my own". Well, guess what. Sometimes you have to get over yourself and admit you're in pain, or admit you need help. This entire experience from beginning to whenever I'm fully recovered is teaching me extreme humility. Do you know what it's like to not be able to shower yourself? Or brush your hair? Or lean over to pick something up? This list could go on, but really what I'm getting at is that I had to forget my "I can do everything" attitude and ask for help. I think this is a very valid application to everyday life.
As I'm continuing to process this whole chain of events there are a few things that stuck out to me...
First, I noticed the words that were used to describe me. Mild-mannered. Stoic. Trooper. Tough. Unbelievably high pain tolerance. Wow. (speechless). None of the doctors or nurses could believe that I had been so sick for so long without having gone to a doctor.
From all this, I realized how prideful I am and how little I am willing to ask for help. I always think, "It's not that bad" or "I can take care of it on my own". Well, guess what. Sometimes you have to get over yourself and admit you're in pain, or admit you need help. This entire experience from beginning to whenever I'm fully recovered is teaching me extreme humility. Do you know what it's like to not be able to shower yourself? Or brush your hair? Or lean over to pick something up? This list could go on, but really what I'm getting at is that I had to forget my "I can do everything" attitude and ask for help. I think this is a very valid application to everyday life.
Monday, March 14, 2011
EXPLOSION.
Well folks, it turns out I never had the stomach flu. Apparently my appendix ruptured around February 16th...so, a long time ago. I've told and re-told the story many times but for anyone who doesn't know and is interested, here is what I've experienced for the last four weeks... (*just a warning this is a little lengthy)
February 16th: I woke up not feeling very well (I figured it was from the chili cheese dog that I had the night before). But by mid-morning at work, I knew that I was not ok. I left work early, which was a good thing because I got home and proceeded to spend some time on the bathroom floor because I was in so much discomfort. At this point I figured I had some 24 hour bug and that I'd be good to go by Friday. I was wrong. The next six days were a blur of time on the couch, in the bathroom, in bed with intense stomach cramping, diarrhea, vomiting and fever. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced (rightly so, knowing now that this is when they think my appendix burst). In the midst of those 6 days, I went into a walk-in clinic that told me "It's just a bad bug that you're going to have to wait out." So I did.
The next two and a half weeks, I began to feel a little bit better but I knew I was not back to 100%. I still had discomfort in my abdomen but had no fever, and could eat food again (even though I never knew how it was going to settle).
Weekend of March 4th: My family came to visit this weekend and we had a blast hanging out and celebrating my mom's birthday. Saturday we went to the King Tut exhibit, walked around Ikea and went out to celebrate at Joe's Crab Shack. Sunday before they left I knew I was not feeling well. After saying goodbye, I laid on the couch and didn't change out of my pajamas all day.
This is where the fun begins! I woke up the next morning (Monday, March 7th) feeling terrible again. After talking to my mom, she said I should go to the clinic. I called the clinic that morning and made an appointment for 12:30. I told my doctor I hadn't been feeling well for 3 weeks and told her everything I'd experienced for the last 3 weeks. They then ran a bunch of lab work and I had a fever again and after feeling my stomach she told me she was worried about the sensitivity that I still had in my stomach and wanted me to go in for a CT scan. I also had a white blood count of 29. A normal white blood count is supposed to be between 4 and 11, so my body was clearly trying to fight some kind of wicked infection.
I went straight from the clinic to the radiology clinic where I had to drink some nasty paste-like concoction before going in to get scanned. After being scanned, I headed back to my clinic to bring in some more of my bodily fluids to get tested and on my way I received a call. It was my clinic saying that my CT scan came back abnormal and that I needed to go to the closest ER as soon as possible because there was severe inflammation and they thought my appendix burst. I immediately called my mom (crying of course) and told her what they told me. She told me she would get in the car as soon as possible and be on her way-what a blessing knowing you're family is there for you no matter what.
I arrived at the ER around 4 PM where I was immediately greeted by a nurse that was waiting for me. I spent the next 3ish hours in the ER having more tests run, another CT scan and having to tell more people all of my symptoms.
A few hours later around 7:15, I was admitted to the hospital. I had just gotten into my room and my aunt and uncle had just gotten there when the doctor came in. He went on to introduce himself and began to tell me that he believed my appendix ruptured probably three weeks ago when I began feeling sick and that there was now a large abscess causing infection and inflammation in my abdomen that needed to get out. I was then told I needed to go in for emergency surgery in 15 minutes and that the operating room was already being prepped. He went on to explain that this would not be a routine appendectomy, instead an exploratory surgery to take out the appendix, abscess and make sure nothing else was damaged. I was also told that there was a slight chance part of my bowel may be infected and may need to be taken out. Yikes-what a load of information!
So after signing some forms, they wheeled me away. As I was in the prep room, I met a whole bunch of other doctors who continued to talk to me about everything that was going to happen. It was all so overwhelming. I am so happy my mom made it just in time to kiss me before going into surgery :)
I don't remember anything after surgery, but I do remember a lot of people in and out that first night after surgery. Taking vitals, drawing blood, pumping meds into me. Looking back it is all so surreal.
The next day I woke up to find all kinds of tubes and contraptions attached to me. There was a lot of crazy stuff that was done to me in that hospital but I will spare you the details.
I could've never imagined that this is what would come from me going to the doctor to hope to get some antibiotics to kick what I thought was a stomach bug. The 6 days I spent in the hospital have changed my perspective on many things though and I know that I have much to be grateful for because I know that I am extremely blessed that there was not more damage done. All in all this has been a crazy journey that I've been on for 4 weeks. I'm still processing everything that has happened to me, but am so, SO thankful that everything is ok and that I am on my way to recovery.
Well dear friends, there is the short version and with all that said, I don't think I will ever hesitate to go to the doctor ever again. My doctors and nurses took such great care of me and do such wonderful things. (At one point I even thought "this is such a great thing they do...maybe I'll be a nurse so I can help people." That changed after some poking, prodding and emptying of bags.) The body is an amazing thing though and we are most certainly "fearfully and wonderfully made"!
Thanks for reading and thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers!! I cannot express how much I appreciate it. Much love to you all :)
February 16th: I woke up not feeling very well (I figured it was from the chili cheese dog that I had the night before). But by mid-morning at work, I knew that I was not ok. I left work early, which was a good thing because I got home and proceeded to spend some time on the bathroom floor because I was in so much discomfort. At this point I figured I had some 24 hour bug and that I'd be good to go by Friday. I was wrong. The next six days were a blur of time on the couch, in the bathroom, in bed with intense stomach cramping, diarrhea, vomiting and fever. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced (rightly so, knowing now that this is when they think my appendix burst). In the midst of those 6 days, I went into a walk-in clinic that told me "It's just a bad bug that you're going to have to wait out." So I did.
The next two and a half weeks, I began to feel a little bit better but I knew I was not back to 100%. I still had discomfort in my abdomen but had no fever, and could eat food again (even though I never knew how it was going to settle).
Weekend of March 4th: My family came to visit this weekend and we had a blast hanging out and celebrating my mom's birthday. Saturday we went to the King Tut exhibit, walked around Ikea and went out to celebrate at Joe's Crab Shack. Sunday before they left I knew I was not feeling well. After saying goodbye, I laid on the couch and didn't change out of my pajamas all day.
This is where the fun begins! I woke up the next morning (Monday, March 7th) feeling terrible again. After talking to my mom, she said I should go to the clinic. I called the clinic that morning and made an appointment for 12:30. I told my doctor I hadn't been feeling well for 3 weeks and told her everything I'd experienced for the last 3 weeks. They then ran a bunch of lab work and I had a fever again and after feeling my stomach she told me she was worried about the sensitivity that I still had in my stomach and wanted me to go in for a CT scan. I also had a white blood count of 29. A normal white blood count is supposed to be between 4 and 11, so my body was clearly trying to fight some kind of wicked infection.
I went straight from the clinic to the radiology clinic where I had to drink some nasty paste-like concoction before going in to get scanned. After being scanned, I headed back to my clinic to bring in some more of my bodily fluids to get tested and on my way I received a call. It was my clinic saying that my CT scan came back abnormal and that I needed to go to the closest ER as soon as possible because there was severe inflammation and they thought my appendix burst. I immediately called my mom (crying of course) and told her what they told me. She told me she would get in the car as soon as possible and be on her way-what a blessing knowing you're family is there for you no matter what.
I arrived at the ER around 4 PM where I was immediately greeted by a nurse that was waiting for me. I spent the next 3ish hours in the ER having more tests run, another CT scan and having to tell more people all of my symptoms.
A few hours later around 7:15, I was admitted to the hospital. I had just gotten into my room and my aunt and uncle had just gotten there when the doctor came in. He went on to introduce himself and began to tell me that he believed my appendix ruptured probably three weeks ago when I began feeling sick and that there was now a large abscess causing infection and inflammation in my abdomen that needed to get out. I was then told I needed to go in for emergency surgery in 15 minutes and that the operating room was already being prepped. He went on to explain that this would not be a routine appendectomy, instead an exploratory surgery to take out the appendix, abscess and make sure nothing else was damaged. I was also told that there was a slight chance part of my bowel may be infected and may need to be taken out. Yikes-what a load of information!
So after signing some forms, they wheeled me away. As I was in the prep room, I met a whole bunch of other doctors who continued to talk to me about everything that was going to happen. It was all so overwhelming. I am so happy my mom made it just in time to kiss me before going into surgery :)
I don't remember anything after surgery, but I do remember a lot of people in and out that first night after surgery. Taking vitals, drawing blood, pumping meds into me. Looking back it is all so surreal.
The next day I woke up to find all kinds of tubes and contraptions attached to me. There was a lot of crazy stuff that was done to me in that hospital but I will spare you the details.
I could've never imagined that this is what would come from me going to the doctor to hope to get some antibiotics to kick what I thought was a stomach bug. The 6 days I spent in the hospital have changed my perspective on many things though and I know that I have much to be grateful for because I know that I am extremely blessed that there was not more damage done. All in all this has been a crazy journey that I've been on for 4 weeks. I'm still processing everything that has happened to me, but am so, SO thankful that everything is ok and that I am on my way to recovery.
Well dear friends, there is the short version and with all that said, I don't think I will ever hesitate to go to the doctor ever again. My doctors and nurses took such great care of me and do such wonderful things. (At one point I even thought "this is such a great thing they do...maybe I'll be a nurse so I can help people." That changed after some poking, prodding and emptying of bags.) The body is an amazing thing though and we are most certainly "fearfully and wonderfully made"!
Thanks for reading and thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers!! I cannot express how much I appreciate it. Much love to you all :)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
back to real life
I realize it's been awhile-I actually almost forgot I had a blog. February got away from me! With moving, bird-sitting and having the indescribable sickness (that I am STILL trying to recuperate from), I am now trying to get my feet back on the ground. It'll happen...eventually.
This weekend, I did have the joy of my family coming to visit. It was fun having them see where I live and work and it was just wonderful spending time with them. It was my mom's birthday this weekend too, so we had a fabulous time celebrating the big 5-5.
That's all for now...a quick update and I promise there will be more to come soon :)
This weekend, I did have the joy of my family coming to visit. It was fun having them see where I live and work and it was just wonderful spending time with them. It was my mom's birthday this weekend too, so we had a fabulous time celebrating the big 5-5.
That's all for now...a quick update and I promise there will be more to come soon :)
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