I've been known to spill...

Sometimes life is messy. And sometimes I wish there was a rewind button and that I could have a do-over. But this is not the case. Which is ok. It can be hard to let go of some of the decisions I make that could have been better, but I am who I am because of them and learn that when I spill big and feel as though I make a mess out of everything it is not the end of the world. So praise the Lord that I am more than the decisions I make and the circumstances I find myself in.

*Merry Christmas*

What a wonderful and glorious time of year, and what a reason to celebrate...the birth of our Savior-how magnificent! Here is to basking in the "reason for the season" and enjoying time with dear loved ones :)

my next car.

I know it seems silly to even think about since I just got a new car, but my next car will be an SUV. I've already decided. Yes, I get great gas mileage, but I hate feeling completely helpless when I can't even get up my driveway. Hopefully my snow tires will help and reduce my crying phone calls to my father when I get stuck. That's my random thought for the day.

i survived the blizzard of 2010

I heard we were supposed to get snow, but I was not expecting the skies to open up and dump as much as it did. The only reason I really survived is because I hibernated through it. I was doped up on nyquil and dayquil the whole weekend. An opportune time to be sick, since there was nothing else to do but rest and boy did I! I'm sure everyone heard about the metrodome collapsing, which is pretty great but what most people don't know is that Oakdale (which is where I live) got the most snow in the twin cities. 20 some inches! Nice. Besides the things previously mentioned it was a good time of cookie making, wrapping presents AND being introduced to the movie "White Christmas" (thanks Hope!).

I myself don't mind the snow...unless my car gets stuck...but other than that I find it to be wonderland-esque. yes, i just made up that word. I would actually like to get proposed to in the snow, or some kind of precipitation. That is the romantic side of me that has been affected by the media I guess, but a girl can dream right? For now, here's to the beginning of more snow to come : )

small town girl

I know that I am not really from a small town, but some days living in the twin cities, I feel like I did. Everyday I drive to work, I am still blown away by the fact that generally speaking...this is where I live.

An urban area made up of 186 cities-this baffles me. There are days it is a bit overwhelming, but I am one to be easily overwhelmed. Sometimes I just wonder where everyone is going. So many people!

Teacher by Association

When I was at home this weekend, I ran into an acquaintance from college at church.  Attempting to make small talk, I asked how school was going-knowing that she was still in school. In turn she asked me what grade I was teaching now and how I was liking it. I then awkwardly had to respond saying, I actually got my degree in Communication Studies. This got me to thinking...EVERYONE (almost everyone) I know is a teacher. I've thought about this before, but seriously, I am surrounded by educators. There's nothing wrong with that except that people think that I too am a teacher. I did consider it at one point, but it was not in the cards for me. So, maybe next time I will play along and talk about my pretend classroom, or maybe I will someday go back to school. Who knows.

Boxes of Love

(2 posts in one day...I'm catching up!)

I wanted to give you a glimpse of what I've been working on at my new (I think I can still say new) job. For the last 2 or so months I've been working on details and logistics for an outreach called Boxes of Love. Here's Life Inner City partners with inner city churches and, in this particular event, provides boxes full of food for them to pass out to those in need in their community and provides an opportunity to share the gospel with them. This past weekend I got to see all of my hard work and planning come together! Hundreds of volunteers came to our warehouse to fill 2,750 boxes of food that were/are being distributed in the twin cities area. Here are some pictures...

 One of THREE pallets of cookies!

The assembly line...

 A completed box of love :)

Each box came with a 10 pound bag of frozen chicken...we had a freezer truck with 27,500 pounds of chicken!

The volunteers hard at work-SO great!

Packing the boxes strategically to make them all fit.

And that is a glimpse of what I do :)

holidays

Not until now, do I realize how much I took living in the city across the river from my parents for granted. With Thanksgiving 2 days away and Blizzard Warnings and Winter Weather Advisories in the forecast, it makes the trek home a little more daunting. No longer is it just a 5 mile drive, but 280 miles...or something like that with freezing rain and snow flurries.  One way or another I will see them...I'm sure the Forte will pull through, I just haven't been able to see her in action yet. I do miss the party van some days because it was so faithful for many years. Long story short, going home for holidays will be different because I never really left. So here's to change, family, and good old Minnesota winters! Enjoy your turkey :)

much to anticipate...

As I continue to "figure things out", I know I can wait with great expectation for what is to come...even though I have no idea what exactly that means. For now, I embrace where I'm at and say, we'll see what happens!

SNOW

Winter is here, I woke up to 6 and a half inches of snow this morning. I love it!

my first "real" job.

I've been a nanny, a cashier, a barista, a student orientation counselor and the list could go on. Over the last 5 years, I've had more jobs than my dad had in 33-woof. I know it is a generational thing, but it is hard to believe that things change that dramatically. Yet here I am, in yet another place of work already wondering where I will be next. And although it is not at all where I ever imagined I would be, my job and the people I work with are wonderful.

For those who don't know, I work at Here's Life Inner City-the compassionate urban ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. I am an administrative assistant mainly helping with the Compassionate Products ministry aimed to help meet the spiritual and physical needs of the poor in the inner city. People in need are reached through these resources so they can be enfolded in the body of Christ through the urban churches we partner with.

Right now, the main item on my agenda is helping prepare for the Boxes of Love outreach. These boxes are packed with enough food to feed a family of 6, along with scriptures and other evangelistic material. and are delivered just in time for Thanksgiving, to families who may not have the means to have a meal otherwise. This year we are packing 2,750 boxes-that means we have the opportunity to feed and impact 16,500 people with the truth of the gospel! What an opportunity to be able to serve in this ministry.

Enough of me going on about my job. Right now it's good and administrative assistant has a nice ring to it, but who knows where I'll go next! And though I'm not as organized as I may like to be, I just hope that I get everything done that needs to be completed for the day.

This is what my desk looks like...

Ok, so maybe not quite this bad, but it will be a bit scattered until I have my own desk. Ha!

looking back

It's been awhile...so long in fact that it is a new month! Crazy. I feel like the last 2 weeks, before this past weekend, I was in survival mode flailing my extremities to try and keep my head above water. Success. (And I only wanted to quit life once if I remember correctly.) I suppose it is a positive thing that I am keeping myself busy and have managed to accumulate activities since recently moving-which actually isn't all that recent anymore, in a week it will be 3 months that I've lived here.

Looking back on my transition, sometimes I wonder how I made it through. Simply stated, God is good. I have never been one to handle change well, but who is really? Yes, I feel as though I've become more adaptable and have better learned to take the curve balls that life throws at you sometimes, but it's still hard. As one who is easily consumed by circumstances it is easy to lose yourself and make mistakes. But it's  these mistakes and self indulgences that hit you hard and make you realize the need for eternal perspective and give you the comfort in the amount of grace that is poured upon us.

All that said, I want to live freely and without hesitation or regret in a way that brings all things back to Christ, because it is only by his grace and love that we'll ever be able to handle the constant transition we live in without going completely nuts. That's all I've got for now...peace.

Winds from the West

Can I just say that this weather is ridiculous! I thought moving to the cities would get me out of the wind-blown tundra that is Fargo-Moorhead, but apparently not. Part of the fence was missing this morning, I saw a house with part of it siding blown off, a lamp pole was knocked over as well as a stop light...just craziness. The wind also helped the sleet accumulate on my car windows helping me realize that I do not have an ice scraper/brush thing. One necessity for winter in the midwest, so it has been put on my list of things to get. So this morning I used a dust pan with a squeegee thing to scoop the unwanted precipitation off my windows...not sure if my father would be proud of my creativity or disappointed at my lack of preparedness. Anywho...it was a memorable morning and a great way to say goodbye to fall and hello winter! Bring it.

no plans...

Life is so strange at the moment. I think this is the first time in my life that I have no plans or idea of what is to come. The dream of how wonderful life would be after college has been shattered and as hard as it has been, I think I kind of like it. I'm learning to be much more flexible and take every day as it comes. For now, I'm trusting that I'm where I'm supposed to be but also praying for opportunities to open and the discernment to go where I'm supposed to. Right now I'm actually considering grad school... I think for student affairs or admissions type thing at the university level. So I will continue to do research and depending on what I find and how I feel led, so I may be going back to school eventually. but nothing is set in stone. 

At some point, with my unplanned time (that I am trying to embrace) I want to:
1. sky dive (I know I've already talked about this, but the fund is coming along quite nicely!)
2. make a quilt
3. make something out of real pumpkin, not just from a can
4. make a Christmas card to send out (it seems like a very adult thing to do)

And on a another note, I have officially put in my 2 weeks notice at Caribou! I am somewhat sad to say goodbye...especially to the discount, but I am ready to move on. I did have a little boost of self-esteem when one of the girls told me she didn't want me to leave because they actually liked me (they don't really like new people at the store I transferred to). Now, I will go visit and be able to enjoy my time at Caribou with leisure as a customer :)

BLUR

These last few weeks have been CRAZY! I suppose that's good, because it means I have things to fill my time and actually means I'm being productive with myself. But it's all coming back to me why my homework was often done the night before it was due...simply stated, I'm a procrastinator.  I don't think working 2 jobs has helped me any, so soon enough I will be cutting the Caribou part of my life out (hopefully by the end of the week, but don't tell my boss yet). The thing is, I just need to find time to put my two weeks in writing and drop it off at work. But alas, here I am blogging as the Bible lesson I need to prepare for tomorrow night's SAY Yes program cries out for my attention. So this is all I can say for now...but life is good and I'm excited for the weekend-my sister's coming to visit :) peace out

one of my downfalls

Today I realized the severity of my addiction problem. I decided that I didn't need a cup of coffee (or 3) this morning, and was going strong drinking my water until a dull pain started behind my eyes...and then it got to me by mid-afternoon; the excruciating pain that made everything I did make me want to cry...Ok, maybe not that terrible, but it was pretty bad. But I solved the problem with a diet coke and a half-caf iced carmel latte.

I do not want to be bound to my need for caffeine, so I am going to take proactive steps to lessen my dependency.   Ask me how it's going in a week!

pro-napper!

Today was my first day at my new job-hooray! Kind of a strange time to start, because the guy I'll be working directly under is at conferences all week and today was the day of prayer.  So everything was a little scattered but we made it work and I am excited to go back tomorrow!

Besides starting my new job, I also worked my other job at Caribou...so I jetted out of Here's Life a tad early, grabbed a bite to eat, changed and managed to sneak in a 7 minute nap in my car right before heading in to work. I say with confidence that I believe my ability to fall asleep in a matter of seconds is ultimately a spiritual gift. So now I will collapse in my bed and be out cold in approximately 45 seconds. peace out

A million different thoughts!

I will spare you and not post them all...but this last week or so has been somewhat of a blur. I don't even know why, but my life has felt more chaotic than it has since making the big move. Maybe it's because a lot of things are starting and I'm actually starting to get involved in things.

I filled out paperwork for my new job and am so excited to start this week! Along with that came the realization that working 2 jobs may stress me out, but I'm sure after a few weeks of adjusting it will be fine (right?). I started helping with a S.A.Y. Yes! center which is a church-based after school program where I'll be one night a week and I'm already in love with the kids I get to hang out with! I also joined Bible Study Fellowship, where I'll be another night of the week hopefully meeting some people and maybe even making friends...It doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a lot of "new" right now, and I think that is what makes it draining to me. Tonight I found myself laying on my floor in exhaustion and mentally preparing for the week ahead (kind of ridiculous, I know!). And there is still a church to be found for me to regularly attend...yikes!

A lot to think about, and a lot of thoughts running through this little mind of mine, but I'm just going to take everything day by day, continue to trust God in all things and try not to worry about anything (which we all know is much easier said than done).

On a side-note, I spectated my first marathon today! Very fun and inspiring, yet not enough to inspire me to ever want to do such a thing. (I will gladly jump out of a plane and go sky diving rather than run 26.2 dreadful miles...some people were just not meant to run) It was a perfect day :)

list-maker

That is exactly what I am...a list maker. I like to write things down that need to be done and cross them off upon completion. Since today was the beginning of a new month (and since today was the day I went to Target) I bought myself a new planner, which I am very excited about :) I've been thinking about getting one for awhile now but couldn't justify it since mine worked perfectly fine. Yes, it still does the trick, but my old one will be out of date soon, and I've had my eye on one for a few weeks now, so I went for it-daring, I know! I love organization and details, so I guess me buying a planner is like some girls buying a new pair of shoes. Especially now that I will be working 2 jobs, trying to figure out life and get connected, having a deluxe planner will be extremely beneficial (and maybe make me feel like I'm getting things together...maybe).

I have tomorrow afternoon free, so look forward to hearing more about my life this past week...I know, I've been terrible at updating and posting new things, but it's a work in progress, and it's on my list of things to do ;)

spent

time has somehow escaped me...i must go to bed, but for now i wanted to share a song that i have been listening to repeatedly the last 2 days...i love it.
http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/Let+Your+Light+Shine/2oub6H
peace out

someday...

I look forward to keeping my clothes in something other than plastic rubber-maid tote drawers...someday...

haircut

I went to get a haircut today, which I was a little nervous for...I've had some pretty bad haircut experiences, so going to a new salon had me a little on edge. I was thinking I would keep it long since I've actually grown it out, but the stylist convinced me otherwise...

soul searching.

Today was absolutely beautiful and since I had the day off I got to spend a good portion of my afternoon sitting on the deck reading and journaling and just taking it all in. I love fall. You can wear jeans, a baseball tee and a zippy without getting hot. And even though my toes got a little chilly, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it!

In this transition of life, I've had a lot of down time to really think about life and contemplate what the Lord's doing in my life...but especially on my days off when I have nothing else planned, I have A LOT of time to think. And contemplate. So today I continued to realize how truly blessed I am. In all things. God is so good to me and not often enough do I thank him. I'm beginning to be more and more grateful for the way I was raised and how great my family is. Even though I don't like my current part-time job, it's a job and I've been given another one on top of that. I have a place to live. I had a cup of coffee to drink (more like a pot today). I don't know why, but today I felt especially thankful for all of these things and know that too often I take much of the things I'm given in life for granted. 

My other "deep" thought of the day was that I want to bring glory to God and enjoy life even in this time of transition and unrest when sometimes I don't really know how. Even though somedays I'm not sure how to do that I just want to live in the moment each day. I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I know there is so much more to come, so as I wait expectantly for where the Lord will bring me next I want to use this time to live with no distractions or restrictions.

On a completely other note however, tomorrow I am going to get my haircut...at least I say that I am (I've been saying it for a while now). I'm still contemplating if I want to keep it long and just put layers in or if I want to go short...I'll keep you posted. peace out all

summer is gone

I realized today that it is not even October and my summer tan is gone. The tan lines have completely faded and are non-existant, and so begins the time to embrace pale skin...for the next 8 months.

k.a.h. not c.c.a.

Rebekah. It's a hard concept to grasp for some people, but yes, I do spell my name uniquely.  Even now as I typed it, my computer has tried to correct me. And it seems as though people have commented on the spelling of my name rather frequently as of late.

1. I went to a Twins game and one of the vendors asked if the credit card company mis-spelled my name. No.
2. In an interview one person pronounced it Beak-ah. No. After politely correcting him, he told me he though it might be middle-eastern. Do I look like I have middle-eastern heritage? No. (side note:this was a particularly sketchy interview/"company")
3. The very nice gentlemen at the garage told me he had never seen that spelling and that he thought it was very nice. Maybe he was just being polite, but I took it as a compliment anyway.

For some reason, I don't understand peoples confusion with it but perhaps it's because it is what I have always known...I like how my name is spelled and am happy my parents chose it. It is just another part of what makes me who I am I suppose, as cheesy as that sounds. And so ends the rant about the spelling of my name.

FULL day

I had today off, which included:

• 5 loads of laundry
• oil change for the KIA
• also a tire rotation for sportster
• finally went grocery shopping...finally (I think I had a piece of moldy toast yesterday)
• AND accepted an administrative assistant position with Here's Life Inner City-whoop whoop!!

So, all in all I would say it was a very productive day :)

*I realize that my blog is in need of a little somethin-somethin like pictures etc. so I'll get to that point someday.

blessed

In so many ways, I am extremely blessed. I got to go home to fabulous Fargo-Moorhead this past weekend and spend some much needed time with my dearest family and friends who make me feel SO loved. After the weekend I just felt like I was glowing and oozing joy, but alas I had to come back to make the big bucks at the "bou". i wish! As much as I sometimes dread going, I am grateful for it and am getting to know my co-workers better, which makes it more bearable. I think the reason it is so hard sometimes is because it is such a transitionary place for me which makes it hard to invest. I know I will not be here forever, but until I am led elsewhere it's where I'm at and I will do my best to embrace it.

On a completely different note though, I had an interview today which I thought went very well. It's just for a part time administrative assistant position, but it's with a sweet ministry called Here's Life Inner City. I think it's something I would love doing and would be a great experience, so I'll try not to get my hopes up too much if it doesn't work out. So, we'll see what happens...


I also went to a small group tonight and met some wonderful people. I think I'll continue to go and try to get connected and plugged in. It's through Bethlehem Baptist, which I will be checking out this weekend. I've been before, but as I continue to find a church here in the cities I want to refresh my memory and keep it on the list.

As I continue on this extremely fun (said sarcastically of course) transitionary phase of life I am definitely being stretched beyond my limits, but am learning so much and know that I will look back and be grateful for it...someday. For now I continue to trust and thank God for all He has done.

Sports FAN

Today is a casual day at work...what that means is that we can wear either Twins or Vikings apparel. (I don't own either) But since I am now an "unofficial" resident of Minnesota, I figured it would be a good investment.  So today, I purchased my first article of Vikings clothing-a purple t-shirt with "Vikings" across the front and "Favre" and a big ol' number 4 on the back. I'm not really sure why, but it felt very strange to me to buy a Vikings t-shirt. Maybe because I'm not really a sports fan. I was laughing inside when I checked out because the cashier was going on and on about getting ready for the BIG GAME tonight and how she just hopes that Favre doesn't get hurt and then she told me to enjoy the game. I didn't have the heart to tell her I wouldn't actually be watching. Maybe someday I'll get into it, but for now I will just pretend I'm a true fan by wearing their colors. Go Vikes!!

back to it

Labor day weekend was a success with some quality time with great friends which included my first experience at the Minnesota State Fair (eating a lot of fried food and things on sticks), a Twins game and some good old chillaxin. It felt comfortable, unlike the somewhat awkward day by day life that I am currently living and went back to today. 

I continue the job search that continues to, well...suck (to be completely honest), with a continuance of no call backs and no leads. Working part-time, paying rent and buying other daily essentials makes the monetary funds deplete rather quickly. My sister suggested moving home (jokingly). I hate to admit it, but I have thought about it. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here...why did I move? What for? I could have been working part-time in Fargo with people I love around me. Don't get me wrong, there are people I love here, I just don't understand life sometimes. And I know that it's just a season I'm in that I will not understand until I look back on it all. 

I jokingly made the comment this weekend that the most consistent thing in my life right now, was going to the same church two weeks in a row...and Caribou (jokingly as well)...and God...but really, God is the ONLY constant in my life right now and He will always be the ONLY constant. Things will only continue to be ever-changing, but I can always rely on my heavenly Father. A question that stuck out from a book I've been reading this week was 

"Do you want to see God more than you desire security?" 

That was extremely convicting, because so far I've been so consumed with finding a "real person" job and figuring out my life to have stability and independence, but that is so twisted.  I just want to be used to bring glory to God, wherever that is and whatever I might be doing. 

On a side note, my favorite thing about today though: it was about 55 degrees :) I love fall! My manager today says to me "It's pretty cold out today. I suppose you're used to this kind of weather though." I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that or how I was supposed to respond so I just smiled and said "Yup, I love it" even though really I wanted to say "Where do you think I'm from?!". Fargo is not THAT different than Minneapolis...

Enough of my ramblings...until later :)

Grad School?

Yes. It is a definite possibility. For what? That's a good question. At this point in time, I am very much so figuring things out. But let's be real; I will never figure it all out...

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. -proverbs 16:9

day off.

Today is my day off...so what do I do with myself? Go sit in a coffee shop for a few hours, of course.  Usually I frequent a fun little Dunn Bros just a few blocks away, but today I thought I'd mix it up so I went to Starbucks. I love Starbucks, but the internet let me down. I suppose it all worked out though because I got to read and journal with no temptation to be easily distracted.

In my time of transition, I've learned to embrace solitude. Everything is SO different. New job, new co-workers, new city, new roommate, but one of the biggest changes I'm adjusting to is the change of pace. I've always been so used to constantly being surrounded by people, and having the choice of when I want to be alone. Now I am often by myself until something else comes up. As much as I'm not sure if I like all of this "me" time, it's giving me time to learn about myself and time to spend in prayer and time with Jesus.

Though the job hunt still haunts me, I have plenty to be thankful for. This past weekend, I spent some quality time with great friends which was so comforting. And while there is much that is unknown in my life, there is much to look forward to...more new things, fall and Starbucks pumpkin spice mochas :)

Bad. Day.

Well, it was bound to happen I suppose. Today was a bad day. I did not want to be here...in the cities, on my own, away from home and so on. I was just kind of over everything. There was nothing even too terrible about today, it was "just one of those days". So after a long day of work, I came home took a long hot shower and proceeded to veg-out in my room for...mmm, about 4 hours consisting of reading, listening to music, a few tears (possibly a lot) and some interspersed napping. Up until now, I've been taking in all things new but I believe it's finally hit me that I'm not just visiting or on vacation, rather I've moved to the "big city" attempting to make something of myself in the adult world. Let me tell ya, it's overrated. But really, tomorrow is a new day and days like today are going to happen. Transition is never easy and everything is very different at the moment, but the great and fabulous thing is that I am so loved by a gracious God, and wonderful family and friends that He has blessed me with.  So here's to change!!

And I do want to say, that I did eventually pull myself together after hiding in my room all afternoon to have a very enjoyable evening :)

saving up!

One nice thing about my new "bou" is that I make bank in tips-holla! But, speaking of banks, since I don't have one in the cities yet and therefore cannot cash in all of my change, I came up with a plan: After buying a very, Very large jar to put my change in, I decided I wanted to save it all for something just great. That great thing you may ask...SKYDIVING!

For some time now, I've been wanting to go skydiving. However, until I have health insurance (just in case of any mis-haps) I need to wait. So now I will save my pennies until I am insured and the jar is full :)

 

so far, so good

It has been exactly one week since "the big move" and all I have to say is so far, so good. I think this is positive considering the fact that I hate change. 

• The transition from Caribou's went well...it is different, but the people seem nice enough and I love that I'm not completely starting all over since everything is somewhat familiar.  
• I still continue to peruse numerous job listings daily and send out the resume I feel I worked so hard on but is getting me zero response. Part of me wonders if I'm doing this whole job search thing right...but alas, I continue to wait and trust that there is something out there waiting just for me!
• Today began another hunt-for a new church. Sadly enough, I think this is what overwhelms me the most about this whole move.  I crave the community and fellowship, but it seems so daunting to me...especially all on my lonesome. But, it will come....all in time; God's timing, just like everything else.

I miss my family and friends, even Fargo-Moorhead, but soon the twin cities will feel like home...I hope :) that's all for now

a new beginning

With my first week of living in the cities almost under my belt, it's slowly starting to sink in that this really is the next step in my life and not just a little vacation-eek. Though it comes with a range of emotions including excitement, anxiety, fear etc. It also comes with a sense of freedom. 4 years ago I would have been scared out of my mind, but I've learned to embrace a sense of "free-spiritedness" that makes me up for almost anything! This is also where the phrase I live by, "we'll see what happens" ,has come from. I'm learning to not make plans and be adaptable, so who knows what will be next!

I continue to look for jobs, though it is so daunting, and trust the Lord for his timing and provision...I can't imagine going through such life changes without knowing such a loving God. And my mom keeps telling me that she's not worried about me and knows I'll be just fine-thanks mom :) 

So here I am, embracing technology and attempting to be a blogger as well as openly give others a glimpse into the oh so glamorous life of Bekah (ha). Someday I'll have exciting things to write about I'm sure...sigh. I've never been the best at expressing myself, but I'll give it a shot and hope not to bore anyone too terribly much :) peace out